Well as you may or may not know, I was seeing Chloë again from 2pm Saturday the 5th of July to 9.30pm Thursday the 28th of August.
54 days. 54 secret days.
Probably the happiest time of my life so far. I could not believe that it was actually happening. The girl I wanted to spend the rest of my life with had decided she wanted to do the same with me. We were looking at flats to live in together, bbqs with the family, spending time in the country. Snuggling like we used to.
It all came to a very sudden end. I haven't seen her since. It's like it never happened, dream-like. Except I feel sick because I know that it did happen, and I can't get it back.
We both have a lot of stuff to think about, I'm sure. Well I know I do. I have to work out how I'm going to not let this effect me the way it did last time. She would say that the best way to do that would be to be with someone else. It's not that easy. If only.
Maybe I take things too seriously. Maybe I should just do all the things expected of me, being
young. But I'd be lying to myself. I'd be going against some of my beliefs. And my feelings.
Maybe that's what's required of me. Maybe that applies to not only my personal life.
12:30:06 AM